Man Vs Women

WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST
> She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
> Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
> Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
> Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
> And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.
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> Keep reading - they get better!!!
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> WOMEN'S REVENGE
> 'Cash, check or charge?' I asked, after folding items the woman
> wished to
> purchase.
> As she fumbled for her wallet , I noticed a remote control for a
> television
> set in her purse.
> 'So, do you always carry your TV remote?' I asked.
> 'No,' she replied, 'but my husband refused to come shopping with me,
> and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him
> legally.'
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> UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
> (A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
> I know I'm not going to understand women.
> I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,
> pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,
> and still be afraid of a spider.
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> MARRIAGE SEMINAR
> While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication,
> Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor,
> 'It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and
> dislikes.'
> He addressed the man,
> 'Can you name your wife's favourite flower?'
> Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, 'It's
> Pillsbury, isn't it?
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> CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
> A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles.
> The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
> He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
> She directs him down the correct aisle.
> A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a
> ball of
> string on the counter.
> She says, confused, 'Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons
> for
> your wife?
> He answers, 'You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to
> the store
> to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of
> tobacco
> and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper.
> So, I figure if I have to roll my own .......... so does she.
> (I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton!)
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> WIFE VS. HUSBAND
> A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a
> word.
> An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
> neither of them wanted to concede their position.
> As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
> the husband asked sarcastically, 'Relatives of yours?'
> 'Yep,' the wife replied, 'in-laws.'
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> WORDS
> A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a
> day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000.
> The wife replied, 'The reason has to be because we have to repeat
> everything
> to men...
> The husband then turned to his wife and asked, 'What?'
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> CREATION
> A man said to his wife one day, 'I don't know how you can be
> so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time..
> 'The wife responded, 'Allow me to explain.
> God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
> God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you !
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> WHO DOES WHAT
> A man and his wife were having an argument about who
> should brew the coffee each morning.
> The wife said, 'You should do it because you get up first,
> and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee.
> The husband said, 'You are in charge of cooking around here and
> you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my
> coffee.'
> Wife replies, 'No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible
> that
> the man should do the coffee.'
> Husband replies, 'I can't believe that, show me.'
> So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him
> at the
> top of several pages, that it indeed says . 'HEBREWS'
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> The Silent Treatment
> A man and his wife were having some problems at home
> and were giving each other the silent treatment.
> Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife
> to wake
> him at 5:0 0 AM for an early morning business flight.
> Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote
> on a
> piece of paper, 'Please wake me at 5:00 AM ..' He left it where he
> knew she would find it.
> The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM
> and he
> had missed his flight Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife
> hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
> The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM . Wake up.'
> Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
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> God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough
> draft
> before the masterpiece